he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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