is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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