I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
