This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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