This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
