Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Floor bacon is actually really good
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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