I wish life had little blips of pornography
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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