if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
