You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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