dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
