the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
