i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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