I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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