I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
