I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
