sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
