the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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