dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
