"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
