Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
