Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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