belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
