do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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