i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
