she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I got inside last night via doggy door
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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