watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
