Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
