we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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