We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
