I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I think a kid would responsible me up
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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