his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
