Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
