If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
