if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
