If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
