Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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