the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize