New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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