oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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