how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
