She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
