remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
