i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize