"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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