it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I am naked and annoyed.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
