I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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