i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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