We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
