omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
