I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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