Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
