he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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