Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Send help, water and tortillas.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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