Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
