I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Everyone says I win the strip club
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize