Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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