he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
