i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
