Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
